Thoughts of mum

I wrote this a month or so after my mother died.

I can look at a picture, a watercolour, a vase of daisies on a wooden table, the light dappled through and conjure up you. I miss you mum for all your curious and creative ways. The bank of memories I have to tap into is legendary in my mind. Measured against yourself, I fall short in my efforts, I don't have your streak of perfectionism and it makes me sad. When I'm angry and not coping I think of you and the way you'd deal with things and that compounds my sadness too. You would always fight on with a positive look and an ocean of patience. I wish I had that skill....I get there eventually, my own way because I'm still here, because life keeps happening and things can still make me happy for the future and the raising of my two lovely little boys and the life I have with Josh. I know you'd will me to stay positive and I promise I'll keep trying in memory of you and your strong spirit. Theres things I still need to achieve, I need to heal a bit more and use my memory to create a little bit of magic that you have bestowed upon me. I love you mum.